Lonely People: Listen the Fuck Up
Dear Dr. Dick, one of my closest friends can't seem to sever his ties with his ex-boyfriend. Even though their last attempted reunion ended in a very violent fist fight, my friend
(let's call him John) can't seem to get past his nostalgia for the relationship they had several years ago. When Sean recently re-kindled communication, John lied about his romantic situation, telling Sean that he was very much in love and living with his long-time partner. So, what does Sean do? He proposes! Now John, who's
already upset about the unpromising mate market as well as his current unemployment and his living situation (avec les parents), is seriously considering getting back with his no-good, two-timing ex. I know that my role as a friend is to love and support him, but Sean has proven time and time again that he is not to be trusted. I fear as much for John's heart as for his safety. However, John thinks that I'm unable to understand his situation because I happen to be in a long-term, fulfilling relationship. Anything I say is automatically invalid because I have a man. What's a friend to do?
Signed Chante's Got a Man and a Brain
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Scaredy Cat
Dear Dr. Dick, I am afraid of being seen for what I am—a coward. That night sound simple, but it isn’t. I am a terribly private, and, although there is nothing that interesting about me, I want to keep a lot of things about myself. I don’t really even know why I am private about myself. Like, what if someone knew about my…well, okay, forget it, you wouldn’t understand it anyway. Help me stop being so afraid of, well, everything.
Signed Under the Bed
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When Loves Calls Don’t Let the Machine Get It
Dear Dr. Dick, I met this guy on the Internet and he seemed nice and all, but I wasn’t that enthralled with him. He was a little, oh, I don’t know, nerdy and a little too anxious. I went on a few dates with him. He wasn’t horrible. After a few weeks I found out that he was going out with someone else! Now, mind you, I wasn’t returning his calls, but still! I saw him and this other guy out, laughing and feeding each other salad—yuk! Okay I am jealous. I am more than jealous. He was mine first, right? What should I do?
Signed Did I Miss the Boat
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Hey Big Daddy
Dear Dr. Dick, I like older men. I am 23 and I like my men much older. Problem is that we often run into issues about what is and what is not important. I feel very much like older men need to lighten up, particularly my man. He is wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But I am tired of him thinking I am cheating on him or will eventually leave him. I don’t want to. I like him. But I will not stand for his insecurities. I mean, why would I fuck around if I am with him? Anyway, how can I assuage his insecurities around me?
Signed Young (Not Dumb) Thing
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Mister Knowitall Goes Belly Up
Dear Dr. Dick, okay, my friend is getting on my damn nerves. He is always complaining about his station in life. He hates his job, his body, and his relationships. Usually I would turn into therapist. Let’s do the resume, try a new workout routine, and maybe let’s kill the boyfriend. Well, after a few minutes things are starting to look up for my friend. He’s out shopping his resume, he’s doing cardio and he gives his boyfriend his walking papers. Then everything, almost all at once, stops. We’ve been through this at least fifty times a month. I am tired and I am done. What should I do?
Signed Know It All So Bleh!
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Be Careful of What You’re Looking For, Ya Just Might Find It
Dear Dr. Dick, my "friend" was talking to a girl I used to like (she stopped talking to me and she hates me now). He uses email at our school (we get our own laptops). It had my name as the subject. I asked what it was about and he said it wasn't me. I knew it was his password and I went on his email account (I know its wrong, but it was about me). It said that he thought that I was boring and the girl said "Why do you sit next to him then?" "I don't want to hurt his feelings." "Stop talking to him, that's what I did." The conversation went a lot like that. What should I do?
Signed Nosey
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Baby, I am not Back
Dear Dr. Dick, I have a large butt and I like it, but that’s all guys think of me as, a butt. I’m not even a bottom. It’s pressure to have such an endowment. The more I try to hide it or put it under my clothes, it only seems to attract more attention. What do you think of my butt?
Signed Butt Of Course, NOT!
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