Dear Dr. Dick, I am a gay African-American male that just read your article "No Fats, No Femmes, No Fakes." I think I'm going to cry. What you have described in your article has been my struggle being a gay male. I am 35, 5'6", and weigh 285. I have a decent job (I am a professional). Most of the men I have met in my life were mainly interested in me for the things I could do for them. This has made me suspicious of anyone that approaches me. I don't have a problem losing weight, but I refuse to lose weight to have someone in my life---if you don't like me the way I am now, you probably wont like me thin (or maybe it's the fact that I wont have time for someone who judges such superficial qualities in a person). I also must say that I am constantly being approached by women who would like to date me. I also have a Caucasian man who is interested in dating me. Still, I would like to date and fall in love with an African-American man. What do you think?
Signed Dr. Dre
Dear Dr. Dre:
I'm almost speechless. Almost, that is. Being a conscious black-gay-homosexual-same-gender-loving male made me face some hard truths about the ways we often denigrate ourselves and others. I agree with you about your concept of losing weight--you could and would if you chose to, but that doesn't guarantee someone will like you skinnier. Maybe, maybe not. But don't kid yourself about how what your weight may represent. Think about that. Many of us don't want to change and stay the way we are because when love comes, it’s a trip. Nature changes, you change, beautiful brother. Also--and I know its cliché, but true--loving yourself unconditionally is the key. You are lovable at 285 or at 200...right? This is what you've got to decide, straight up. And consider letting down your guard, because you may be blocking your blessing. Superficial as this world might be, very few us are exempt from its grasp. Think about how you judge folk, and see how a change in your belief system may open up new channels of love and experience to you. Are you bisexual? That would answer the dating women question. Are you attracted to white men? That would answer the Caucasian question. And yes, I happen to believe you can have anything in this world provided you are open and ready for it. Preparation for a blessing may take many forms—one crucial lesson is whether or not you feel you deserve what you are asking the Universe for. Do you believe that? You've got to want what you want before you get what you want. Take care, brother, and get to love, alright?