Dear Dr. Dick, I like older men. I am 23 and I like my men much older. Problem is that we often run into issues about what is and what is not important. I feel very much like older men need to lighten up, particularly my man. He is wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But I am tired of him thinking I am cheating on him or will eventually leave him. I don’t want to. I like him. But I will not stand for his insecurities. I mean, why would I fuck around if I am with him? Anyway, how can I assuage his insecurities around me?
Signed Young (Not Dumb) Thing
Dear Young (Not Dumb) Thing,
Okay here’s the thing: you cannot make anyone feel secure if they are hell bent on feeling insecure. All you can do is love him, that’s it. Whatever he’s going through regarding his feelings around your fidelity is all on him. He has to learn trust you. Frankly you just can’t have it both ways. You can’t want to have a relationship and then claw onto your lover like a crazed fool. Being in a relationship (and I know this because I wrote the manual) is that you have to be willing to let your object of affection be. Of course you didn’t know that, didja? Most people don’t. They think you should act like you can’t live without somebody. Well, you can. You can always live without someone else. What you want is to be able to live with someone in a way that enhances your life—and hopefully his.