Dear Dr. Dick, one of my closest friends can't seem to sever his ties with his ex-boyfriend. Even though their last attempted reunion ended in a very violent fist fight, my friend (let's call him John) can't seem to get past his nostalgia for the relationship they had several years ago. When Sean recently re-kindled communication, John lied about his romantic situation, telling Sean that he was very much in love and living with his long-time partner. So, what does Sean do? He proposes! Now John, who's already upset about the unpromising mate market as well as his current unemployment and his living situation (avec les parents), is seriously considering getting back with his no-good, two-timing ex. I know that my role as a friend is to love and support him, but Sean has proven time and time again that he is not to be trusted. I fear as much for John's heart as for his safety. However, John thinks that I'm unable to understand his situation because I happen to be in a long-term, fulfilling relationship. Anything I say is automatically invalid because I have a man. What's a friend to do?
Signed Chante's Got a Man and a Brain
Dear Chante's Got a Man and a Brain,
I like your first line. I think it says it all. John can't seem to sever his ties with his ex-boyfriend. Well, truth is, he doesn't want to. The reason he goes back and forth is because he has something to learn; whether it's that Sean is a loser and that things will never be the way they were, or it's a knock upside the head. John is sensitive and caring and loving and his nostaligia is endearing, but unfortunately toxic. Your job as a friend is to support him insofar as you can, but never compromise yourself and how you feel. Speak your mind. If you feel totally freaked, leave him alone to wrestle this one out by himself. Before you take that route, consider relating how you came to a long-term relationship and why it's fulfilling for you. Maybe he needs to see how it's working for you. Shed a little light on that. Lonely people are lazy sometimes. Many of them dismiss the experiences of couples because, well, single people tend to either idealize or poo-poo on couples. For me, it's about the same. Don't anyone do that to you because you know how much work goes into a successful relationship, and really, if the point is to get to a place of love and mutual respect, who has more experience? Some lonely fuck who would rather rattle around in the bargain bin of love, or someone who worked to be able to afford what they actually wanted and had the luxury of choosing from the better quality goods?
Thursday, December 02, 2004 @ 09:40 AM